Last Day of Undergrad

Today was my very last day of classes at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo.

Wow. I don't know what else to say except, wow. 

All I have left is to finish an evernote assignment for Dr. Berber about Montessori education and take two education finals on Tuesday and THAT'S IT. Come Tuesday afternoon, I will be done turning in assignments for Cal Poly. Done taking tests. Done getting lost on campus. Done getting sunburned in the uu. Done waiting in the long starbucks line. Done. Done. Done. 

And in nine short days I'll be sitting in the hot sun waiting to receive a diploma. 

But how can a sheet of paper with my name on it some up the past four years? Somehow that just doesn't seem possible to me. And like that, four years are done. Done with a blink of the eye. 

Tonight I was babysitting Nicole and on the 10th she'll be five months old. Time. How does time go by so fast? I started babysitting her when she was 12 days old and now she is almost five months old. Time goes by and it goes by fast. Whether it be four years in college or the two weeks off we get during winter break. And you can't stop it. You can't change the fact that it goes by so fast. 

Tonight while on a walk with Nicole, I was just talking to her and I was telling her how loved she was and how beautiful God made the world. I was chatting away and she slowly fell asleep on my hip. She was holding my finger and as she dozed off she kept holding on. I continued to talk to her and all of a sudden out of no where I feel tears rolling down my face. And as I cried I kept on talking. But I turned towards God this time. And I just said, "God, I'm going to miss her. She's only a little baby and I've only known her for a short period of time, but I'm really really going to miss Nicole." And I kept on talking as I was walking in that neighborhood I said God, "I would be fine of doing another year of this. Going to school, babysitting, living in SLO... ya know?" And he looked down at me with the tiniest hint of a smile and he said, "Whitney Rose, you're going to Spain and you are going to be BRAVE. And you can do it because I'm with you." 

And God and I, we just kept on chatting and Nicole slept and the birds chirped and I knew that God had a plan. He has a plan for me. He has a plan for baby Nicole. And he has a plan for the guy who drove by as I was walking. You see, change has to happen. In order for us to grow and to keep becoming who we need to be, we have to change. It could be in where we live, in what we do, in who we are live, or what happens to us in the future. But change is inevitable. 

You see it's time. It's time for me to move out of San Luis Obispo. Time for me to say, "See ya later," to this beautiful place. I have grown so much here and it will always have a very special place in my heart, but it's time. 

And God knows that, obvi. That's why I'm moving to Spain for a bit!  

But speaking of change, this is going to be my very last blog post in Cuddles Corner, good things do have to end at some point! Stay tuned for a new blog I will be starting for my time in Spain! 

I love you friends :) 

If we haven't hung out in a while, let's do so before graduation! Love you guys :)

And so does Jesus! 

xoxo, 

McWhitters  

In one of my psych classes this quarter, one of our assignments was to read two books, one titled Ishmael and the other titled Man's Search for Meaning. I probably would have never read these books if it were not for this class, yet even though they were confusing at times, they brought up questions, ideas about life, the meaning of life, and made me think in ways I had never thought before.

In Ishmael, one point that is brought up in the text is about how animals eat compared to humans. It talked about how lions or whatever top of the food chain animal killed to eat, they only kill what what they are going to eat. In this way, there is always enough food for the rest of the chain. All animals on the food chain follow this rule. Ishmael went on to say that humans are the ones that break this rule. Humans kill more than they need. Humans kill for the sake of killing. 

Humans kill for the sake of killing. 

With the recent tragedy that happened in Santa Barbara, my mind keeps going back to them and this quote the last few days. I have really been struggling with human nature lately after reading these books and realizing how terrible things happen for no actual reason. 

Obviously, I know we live in a fallen world, a world that is not perfect, a world that has lots of pain and suffering. And yet, the question I find myself asking God is, why?

I think about Columbine, Sandy Hook, and so many other senseless tragedies. I don't understand how someone can actually kill for the sake of killing. My heart and prayers go out to all of the friends and families that have been affected by these terrible crimes. My heart hurts for them. 

And my thought process also went to this this could have happened in SLO. 

I think what is so sad is that we have almost come accustomed to these type of events. They happen way too often. I think we're all aware of that and I know what you're thinking, "Yeah Whit, it's true but what are we going to do about it?" 

I don't know. 

We can pray more. We can ask God to keep our families and loved ones safe. But we know bad things still happen even so and that's difficult. So, we bring in the next book I read, Man's Search for Meaning. 

This book is about the author's experience living in a concentration camp for over three years. The theme of this book was all about pain and suffering, but about how we can overcome through it and we always have choices to make even among the pain.  

One story that struck me in this book was where the author was looking back on his experience in the camp and his friend showed him a picture of a room filled with crowded bodies and not many beds. His friend thought it looked so terrible but the author looked at the picture and smiled, he said, How do you know those people are not happy? He went on to describe a time when he was in that very same situation and it was because he was in a sick room, the sick men did not have to work for a few days and they were warm because it was so cold out. The author said he was HAPPY to be in that room because he did not have to work and he was warm. 

It's all about P E R S P E C T I V E, guys. Can you imagine this guy looking back on an experience of being in a concentration camp and it is a H A P P Y memory? I can't imagine. I want his perspective. 

The thing is guys, there is always going to be pain and suffering in our world, and obviously the concentration camps were wrong, the Sandy Hook tragedy was terrible and wrong, and of course what happened in Santa Barbara was terrible and wrong too. And I still don't know what to say. It's so sad. 

But you know, God loves us so much and he is saving spots for us in Heaven if we would come to him and ask him to be in our hearts forever. I think that is what I have to remind myself when terrible things happen. Because someday I get to go be in a MORE THAN BEAUTIFUL, MORE THAN EXTRAVAGANT, MORE THAN SPECTACULAR, HEAVEN that is waiting for me with the STRONGEST FATHER who just wants to say, "Welcome home, my dear child." 

I love you friends, there's only two weeks left of school, let me know if you want to chat before graduation about anything and everything! 

xoxo, 

WhitNuggetts 

Wasn't sure what to expect when I enrolled in Counseling Psychology last quarter, but it is nothing like what I have experienced in any other class before. Today in class we had an Art Show and had the opportunity to talk and share about the art we had created. Walking to my car after class today I just felt an overwhelmed feeling of emotions for others. It was amazing/crazy to hear what some people have gone through or are going through right now. And even more amazing to feel comfortable enough to share with the class.

I think Alli put it a good way, she said, (along the lines of) "we all go through hard experiences in life and it just depends on what you are going through in the moment that shapes what can come out of this type of assignment." (she put it so much more elegantly) After letting that sink in my brain I realized that's very true. If I would have completed this assignment after fall quarter of Junior year I would have been balling my eyes out while presenting.

When walking to my car, a flood of tears came to me and I just "felt" all the emotions that were in that room today. And all I wanted to do was go back to class and hug every single classmate and tell them they are so loved. Then my mind went to the fact of how many students I have come across in the last four years and how many stories were in all those different classrooms. It's an overwhelming thing to think about. I just really realized that I want to live my life loving others -- I'd like to think that this is one of my gift areas which makes me want to embrace it even more so. Wherever life takes me, I want to continue to meet more people and be an ear to listen and to show them that I truly care about their story.

If more teachers taught their classes the way my psych professor has conducted her class this quarter, I think we might be even a little more in tuned with each other. I think sometimes we never go deeper than a certain line with each other and we don't because we do not think we know each other well enough to share these secrets of pain, frustration, and uncertainty. Those are the hard questions to ask.

I know those are not the first questions I think to ask, but with time and friendships that are created we can get to that deeper level. And if anything else, at least what we can say is, "My heart feels for you - and I am hear if you need an extra ear." Sometimes people just need an extra ear -- I know I need a couple ears at times.

And I have realized more and more lately that we're all just human. And we need each other. Life is too hard to do alone. But it's important to realize too that the sun rises and sets EVERY SINGLE DAY in every part of the world. So, no matter how hard one day was, the sun's going to set and the next morning it's going to come back up and we have a new day to make it "work." God loves you so much reader. He really does.

xo,
Whit

Who specifically goes to the library to read a textbook on reserve, but then decides to update their blog instead.... I guess I do.

Today in my psych class I was compared to a baby sapling. 

Instead of lecturing today, my professor decided to do an activity where she went around the room and specifically asked people where they were in that moment in time that had to do with real life not about school. 

When professor Barret got to me and asked me the same question she asked everyone else, I took a deep breath and talked about how much I feel I have grown in the past four years and how a new chapter of my life is emerging soon. And I talked about how nervous and excited I am for my trip to Spain. 

Then professor Barret looked at me and explained to me (and the rest of the class) that as a freshmen at Cal Poly I started out as a baby sapling in a little pot. As I continued to grow at school, my roots grew too. I was planted in the earth so my roots had more room to grow and flourish. Now my roots are deep and healthy, but soon I am going to be transplanted -- to SPAIN. But it's going to be okay because since my roots have grown so strong, they will continue to flourish overseas. 

I have strong, healthy roots. 

Roots in my family, roots in my friends, roots in Riverside, roots in San Luis Obispo, but most importantly, roots in an amazing father who will be with me EVERY SINGLE STEP of the way. 

Philippians 4:6 has been flowing through me all day today, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  

I am SO EXCITED for the next chapter of my life and I am SO EXCITED to see Europe for the first time. And I am SO EXCITED to meet the Smith family! And yes, the fear of the unknown, particularly, traveling alone, makes me nervous, but there is TOO much to be excited about to be nervous! 

6 more weeks and I am done with school and less than three months till SPAIN, Whitney Rose, what an exciting adventure ahead! 

And as Spain gets closer, putting away the "stuff animals" needs to be done too. In the words of Professor Barret, "You can take one pillow pet to Spain and hide all your pictures of your family and friends inside of it, but it's time for the rest to go under the bed." 

Didn't think I was ready for that and decided that tomorrow would be a good time to put one away...

Until I came home and found Mushu missing... 

Paige decided that he would be the first one to go, remind me to hide the rest from her when I get home. 

Well, cultural psychology is calling my name and so is the clock, so folks, I love you guys and keep an eye on your stuff animals and pillow pets tonight... you never know when a roommate or professor is going to surprise you and CUT YOU OFF. 

xoxo, 

Whitney Rose 

Everyone has a Story

Another week down. Six weeks to go.  

Last week in Psych we had a guest speaker who works with clients who are struggling with drugs and alcohol. One person raised their hand and asked this question:

"How do you relate to someone if you have not been through the same experiences as they have?" 

Our guest speakers thought for a moment and then one of them answered our question. 

She said it so elegantly and I'm not sure if it will sound the same coming from my mouth, but I'll try! She said that as humans, we have all gone through hard experiences and challenges in life. Because of this we can all relate to each other on that level. We can listen to others hard experiences and be there for them because at one point in life we were experiencing a hard time too. As humans, we naturally know how to listen and have compassion for others. 

On pinterest tonight I found this quote: 

"When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them." 

There is a homeless man that often times sits by the costco parking lot and I see him quite a bit on Sunday's when I drive to church. He has a a dog who I assume is his best friend. 

One day when I was driving to church I saw him with his puppy. He had an umbrella and it was over his dog. The rain came down and Gilbert kept driving. 

I couldn't stop thinking of him after that. 

Then one day a few weeks later I saw him again, same spot. Paige and I were getting gas. We were stopped at a red light, waiting to leave costco and I remembered I had a mountainbrook care bag in my trunk. Without thinking twice I jumped in the back seat, grabbed the bag, and jumped out of the car, barefoot. I ran over to my friend and gave him the bag. He was so appreciative. 

And I continued to think about him the rest of the day. 

Couple weeks later, I hadn't seen my friend in a while and I was driving home from church with Paige. Who happened to be on the corner that day? Paige had a care bag in her car. Into the parking lot we went and back to my friend to give him the goodies we went. 

I don't even know his name. 

I know God has put this man on my heart this year, I wouldn't think about him so much if He hadn't. One day before graduation I would love to go and sit with him and hear his story. We all have a story and I think sometimes we forget that. This man, my friend, he was a child at one point in life. 

Where is he from? Where did he grow up? How many siblings does he have? 

I really just want to give my friend a hug and tell him he's so loved. I want him to have a bed to sleep in. I want him to know that Jesus loves him so much. I want him to know that he is SOMEBODY. How many times do people like him get ignored on a daily basis? How many times? I'll admit I have done it too. We don't make eye contact because we feel bad, guilty, shy, scared, all of the above. 

I'm not writing this to make anyone feel guilty. I mean it's hard. There are so many people out there who do not have homes and it's hard to help them all. But I think what I have been realizing is I need to make more of a conscious effort to not look away, to not stare, to give them food, to give them a smile, to buy them a donut, or to maybe even ask them what their name is and just tell them I am praying for them. 

Because I think God wants us to buy them Easter candy and I think God wants us to love them and I think God wants us to pray for them. Because they have a story.

 A story just like us. 

And at the end of the day, even though we have not been through their same experiences, we have still been through hard times and we can still relate on that level. 

Pray for them. Love them. Care for them. Smile at them. We're all people and all want to be loved. 

xoxo, 

McWhitters <3

Homemade Bagels

This morning I woke up somewhat early for a Friday morning that I do not have school or babysitting. My brain told me coffee so I walked out into the living room with my curly q's blinding me and walked over to the coffee pot and to my dismay, the coffee fairies hadn't made me any coffee...

At this moment I hear laughing behind me with the words that anyone who has a hard time waking up wants to hear, "Looking for coffee? Let me make you some baby."

Thank goodness for Leah Shafer :) 

With coffee in hand, pandora hymns playing, and the shades pulled up, I set out on a search of pinterest to figure out what I would bake for breakfast. And then I found it, homemade bagels! 

Step by step, I mixed all the ingredients, kneaded the dough on the counter for ten minutes. Put the dough into eight equal pieces. Let the pieces rise for twenty minutes. Rolled them into circles. And now they are rising for another twenty minutes. 

Slowly my roomies rose from their bedrooms and bathrooms in wet hair, towels, and robes. 

I kept kneading. 

I know I'm weird, but stay with me now. 

As I wait for the dough to rise some more I can't help but feel this sense of joy in my heart. It's Friday morning, dough is rising, hymns are playing, and it's cloudy out. I know I say this a lot in my posts, but I can't believe that there is only eight weeks left of my college career. It's insane. 

These moments are special though and they won't always be here. I want to embrace everything right now in this moment. In the future, I'll be sitting in the middle of a little coffee shop with the ocean nearby, and three five year olds playing with chalk. And I won't be in Santa Barbara folks, I will be on the Southern coast of Spain. And that will be my new reality. Soon this won't be my reality anymore and soon school won't be here. That's crazy. 

Alright my loves, it's time to check back on my dough! Have a wonderful Friday and I'll see you soon :)

WhitNuggets  

Friday Morning!

It's the first Friday morning in a while that I am actually at home. Last quarter I babysat all day every Friday, I woke up this morning and didn't even know what to do with myself!

So, with coffee in hand, a sweatshirt over my night gown, music, and Jordan and Merry playing cards in the living room, I set off to brainstorm lesson plans. I'll be honest, it has been difficult this week in thinking with the end in mind. All I keep thinking is "I JUST WANT TO BE DONE." And since I am not getting my credential right now it has been hard to take education classes seriously. 

I just want to go on hikes, watch sunsets, and drive in the country. 

But there was work to be done so I did what I always do when I need an extra brain to pick, I called my mother. 

Twenty minutes later I was typing out ideas as fast as I could and preparing this beautiful lesson plan on Miss Rumphius and lupine flowers, nature walks, and reading. 

I was so excited. 

You know just because I am not getting my credential right now doesn't mean I don't want to teach. I have a huge passion for teaching and for kids. And I am REALLY excited about this lesson plan. 

One down, one to go! 

With my first week down, I am starting to feel anxious for this quarter. I just wish it could be an easy last quarter. But let's be real, I never have "easy" quarters. I wish it could be easy so that I have more time for the "important" things like spending time with people. 

And yet, I made a commitment to myself last night that no matter what this quarter entails, I am making time for the important things. Because it's my LAST quarter in SLO! And I need to go on hikes. I need to watch the sun rise. I need to read Paige bedtime stories. I need to go on country drives. I need to go on spontaneous beach trips. I need to breath. I need to hold babies. I need to love others. I need to laugh a lot. And I need to take pictures. Because God put these people in my life for a purpose and I need to spend as much time with them as I can before June 14th. 

I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to live in such a beautiful place. So blessed to have made the friendships I have. So blessed to take care of so many precious children. And so blessed to have learned and gained so much knowledge from Cal Poly. Because the theme of this year is "Let's go somewhere beautiful." I will continue to embrace every moment and aspect of that statement. 

Nine more weeks folks, it's crazy. I will be a college graduate in nine short weeks. 

I really love you guys :)

Whit 

Well, I can't seem to fall asleep tonight, so writing it is. 

I've been home for a week now and I always forget how much I love it at home. I have started to realize lately what a blessing my home is. I am 22 years old (almost 23) and I have lived/come home to the same house that I was born in. 

Good ol' Mount Vernon St. :)

Our little three bedroom, two bath, home that was built in the 30's that's still standing and still serves its purpose pretty dang well. From the hard wood floors to my Great Grandma's oven to the fort in the backyard. 

I love this place. 

Over the years, there were times when it seemed way too small and we were stepping on top of each other and we almost moved twice. But I sure am glad we didn't. Sure, when everyone is home for the holidays, I usually end up on the couch, but you know, you make it work. In June, everyone will be home and lots of family will be in town; we will have about ten people sleeping in the house! The running joke is with only three beds in the house, we don't even know where everyone will sleep! I think Grandpa suggested a tent in the backyard (just wait, that's where I'll end up!) 

I can picture Easter egg hunts, Thanksgiving dinners, Christmas trees, birthday parties, Mother's day, and Superbowl games all happening at our house. What special memories I have growing up in this old, wonderful home.

When people walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night, the floor creeks. When Josh gets something in his closet and the door closes, he's locked in. When you try and open the closet in mom and dad's room, the door gets jammed. But it's home. For 22 years it's been home. 

I was laying in bed tonight thinking about how when we were younger and friends use to come over they use to say we have so many books. When I stopped to think about it tonight, it's true. We have a bookshelf full of books in the family room, in the living room, in mom and dad's room, in the girls room, in Josh's room, there's even books in dad's bathroom. And the garage and shed out back are full of more. I mean I guess that's what happens when you have teachers as parents and home school parents :) 

That's another blessing though, having so many books at my fingertips. I think about all the kids in the world who dream about having more books to read. I probably have taken it for granted so much. What a blessing it is to have good books to read. 

Our home may be small, Josh may get stuck in his closet sometimes, the washing machine keeps breaking, and all the picture frames are not always dusted perfectly, but it's warm, clean, cozy, has all the books in the world, and wonderful people who love me a lot. And to tell you the truth, I'll take that over everything else, any day :) 

Goodnight friends!

Whitney Rose 

Home for Spring Break and I have eleven beautiful days ahead of me to do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING besides studying and homework! Everyone is posting about being done with senior year of college, I have one more quarter and that's it. I can't believe it.

Today while driving home I kept thinking to myself. "Whit, I think this is the first time in like ever where you're going home for spring break and not stressed about what your grades are going to be."

But really. 

And yet, I ask myself, why is so much emphasis put on grades? Sometimes I feel like everything revolves around grades. Like you need to get good grades to go to a good university and you need good grades to go to a good grad school and you need good grades to get your Phd. It goes on and on and on. My psych professor said she pays more for her twins preschool than for her son's college tuition. 

Sometimes I wonder, where do we draw the line? 

I mean I love getting good grades, just like anyone else. And my stress level is so much lower when I get good grades. This quarter I am not only surpassing my goal of getting Dean's List. Pretty sure I am going to end up with a 3.6. And I have NEVER done that well in college before. Yes, I am very proud of myself. 

But at the same time I think it is important to remember that there are even more important things in life than just getting good grades. Yes, of course we need to work hard because that's why we're in school, but there are also so many more things that we are meant to do and accomplish in college. 

Because for the past ten quarters I have thought to myself, "Maybe this quarter Whit, maybe you'll get Dean's list." And it has never happened. This is going to sound dramatic, but we'll go with it. I remember one time in Trinity freshmen year they were having a dean's list banquet in the study lounge. I LIVED in that lounge. I studied my butt off that first quarter of college. I wanted to be at that banquet SO BAD. I remember looking into the room at  all of the students and wishing so badly that I could be there. 

At that moment, I just wish someone would have taken my shoulders, looked at me in the eyes, and just said, "Your value does not come from that, Whit." Of course I knew that. But in that moment, I know I needed the reminder. 

I always work hard in school. School's important to me. And those ten quarters I worked HARD. Dean Bailey likes to tell students that when you work 25-35 hours a week on homework and studying you'll make his list. You know what I want to tell him, "Nope, that doesn't always work." Of course I wouldn't, but everyone is different and school is just not that simple.

 I've learned a lot in my past ten quarters and one thing that I have learned is that none of my value is found in school. So, whether I pass or fail. I am still Whitney Rose. God still loves me just the same. 

I have also learned that it's important to do things that make me happy and give me joy. There is a balance that one needs to find in school. Because going on hikes, going somewhere "beautiful," watching sunsets, giggling, babysitting, TOT NIGHT VIP, running three miles at the gym, laying in the sunshine, and falling asleep at the library are all equally important. As Katie always tells me, "there are more important things in life, like chickens and babies and fun." 

This has been one of the best years at school because I have learned to remember that. Also like Ruth told me sophomore year, "Will this matter in a year?" "Noooo." "And does Jesus still love you?" "Yessss."

And I'll tell you that D I got on that plant biology lab test doesn't matter. And it's been TWO years now ;) 

It's important to remember how beautiful the world is and sometimes we just think calculus is more beautiful because we're stressed about it (I mean that's great if that's your thing) but for the rest of us, it's okay. You don't have to think calculus is beautiful :) 

Go "somewhere beautiful" folks, it makes life that much better :) 

xoxo, 

Whitters 

With the craziness of my senior project and how all of that is finally over, I realized something today. "You're leaving for Spain soon, Whit!" I have been getting more emails from Mission Nannys (That's the way they spell it!) about specifics and prayer letters/cards. I have been emailing them back and forth and figuring out more logistics about things.

I have been continuing to save for Spain, but now instead of my future jar, my savings are safely in Chase. In the words of Paige, "So if a burglar ever breaks in, he can't steal the future jar!" I mean he could, but there's only a couple pennies in it currently.

As I think about the future and graduation, I can't believe that I am going to be headed out to Spain in a few short months. I was reading some Mission Nanny newsletters and in the February letter my name was listed that I'm going to Spain. It's so crazy to me. This is really happening. Whitney, in Spain? I can't believe it.

God is good. God is SO good. 

I think back to the end of summer and when my questioning of "should I really get my credential" started. Back then I was like, "well, what else am I going to do with my life?" And I went back and forth with a decision for a long time. Then in the middle of fall quarter, I did it. I just said, "You don't want your credential and you don't need to get it." 

But then now what? 

I trusted God. I had to. I had no other choice in the matter. People kept asking and I kept saying, "I don't know, but God sure does!" Half the time of course, I worried and I forgot about this truth. 

Then one day my Mom stumbled upon  Mission Nannys.

You could say the rest is history? You know, I had to put my faith in God in order to apply and know that He would do what ever he would want with it. Who would have thought. Spain. God wants me in Spain. 

I'm not one to "go off the path." Heck, I think I have skipped class ONCE this school year and it was to study for another class! But you know, sometimes God does the coolest of things when we say, "Okay God, I'm just going to let go." 

Am I terrified? Oh yes, but am I excited? Even more. 

Because the coolest thing? God's got my back. And He will never let me fall. As I finish up this quarter and prepare for ONE more before graduation, I can't help but smile when I think about the fact that I will have no math problems, papers, or presentations come September. No, I'll have giggles, hand holding, paint, and a whole lot of love with three little bundles of joy. It's going to be good. Real good. 

Whit :)

Rain Rain Rain

I am sitting at the dinning room table, the candles are lit, my tea is hot, lists have been made, and the rain is coming down outside. When I was in elementary school and it rained, it was a BIG deal because it doesn't rain much in Riverside. I remember when it rained Mom would let us stay in our pajamas all day with the fire place on and do our schoolwork in the family room so we could watch the rain through the sliding glass door.

I loved it so much. 

This morning the crock pot is on, the kitchen is clean, the house is quiet, my hymn music is playing, and the rain and wind just keep coming. As I work on my senior project about home schooling I can't help but smile at all my treasured memories of being home schooled. 

We use to wait by the front door a little earlier on rainy days because we knew daddy would be home a little early. He always came home a little early on rainy days. Dinner in the crock pot would be ready when he got home and we would eat early. As a child I felt so happy and so loved. 

I miss it. 

Sometimes I just wish I could go back to those days. They were so wonderful. I am on page 13 of my senior project and I am almost to the part where I get to talk about my own experience. I am still trying to figure out my own thoughts and what exactly I am going to talk about. My wish is that I will be able to write in just a way to say that I grew up learning and exploring in all aspects of my life. I learned for the sake of learning. There is no need to try and "prove" to anyone that I had an acceptable education, I know that through the stories I write people will come to their own conclusions as to what they think. For me personally, those were some of the greatest days of my life and I know I will always cherish them. My hope is that I can share this gift of learning to my own children and students. And even more so to my three bundles of joy that I will be with in five short months. 

I can't wait!

xoxo,

Whitney Roses 

"I can't wait until my only concern with anything school-related is how i'm going to decorate my grad cap." 

These are the words of my wonderful friend, Aimee Bradshaw, and I feel like she describes my life and many of my friends lives right now so perfectly. Yes, I should be working on my senior project or reading for my psych class, but instead I am going to take ten minutes and just write.

Many people are graduating this quarter and in the spring and life is way too stressful right now. It's hard to look with the end in mind when there is so much to do RIGHT now. For example, I registered this morning for classes for next quarter and at first was having a hard time finding classes. I am currently wait listed for three. And I was first rotation. Trying to figure that out, getting back bad grades, stressing about things that are due, sometimes we just let LIFE take over. But we shouldn't, we know we shouldn't.

I did what I always do when life gets stressful. I went to the Liberal Studies office. 

And I sat on a comfy couch, spread out my lunch, and worked on my senior project for like three hours. At one point Loni just looked over me and just started laughing. And I laughed with her. Because that's what we need. We need to laugh when it gets stressful. So, I look at all my lib studs right now who are working on senior project, I just want to remind you to breath. Take a step back, breath, go on pinterest for a few minutes, run around the block, but know that it will get done. 

Because sometimes we just need to tell ourselves that we truly are "good enough" even when everything around us makes us feel that we aren't. And know that that senior project you are working on, that psych book you are reading, that biology lab you need to finish, and that presentation you have tomorrow, it all has a purpose. I know it's hard to see right now, but it's helping you learn and it's shaping your mind and brain. 

It's going to be okay. And remember to eat your fruits, veggies, and protein. That makes a big difference. 

And as I think about everything that's due in the next week and a half I can't help but laugh when I think about how many times I bumped my head today. (Okay, bad example, but it was kinda funny, I was a little more clumsy than usual today) Anyway, go give your roommate a hug or tell them a joke, unless their real stressed than just let them be! But you know what I mean. 

Okay, I'm not making sense. 

See ya later. Love ya! 

Whit 

Riding camels in Morocco

My senior project paper is due in two weeks as well as a presentation that goes along with that paper. I am sitting in SLO DO CO thinking about my research and watching a dad who just walked in with three little ones in pajamas. Four year old's need late snacks too, I guess. Daddy might need it even more. I am so ready to be done with school and begin my next adventure so naturally, studying has been a challenge. When life is stressful and school is hard I often try and take a step back and think, "What are you looking forward to Whit?" My mom is good at asking me this question. So, tonight, I ask myself that question. What am I looking forward to? 

Riding camels in Morocco. 

So, if Katie and I both end up in Spain, naturally we have to visit each other. Top on the to do list? Riding camels in Morocco. It's funny though, as I sit here and watch this dad squeeze frosting on an already frosted doughnut, I can't help but smile. Because watching dads give their kids more sugar, dreaming about riding camels in Morocco, giggling with Katie, and eating doughnuts. These are what make the stressful times some of the best times. I need to continue to cherish the rest of this year though because before I know it, it's going to be gone. Four years done, just like that. 

As I continue to procrastinate on my senior project paper for just another minute, let me ask you this? What are you looking forward to? Spring break? Summer? Your econ midterm? (Well, I don't know, my roommate's an econ major and she likes it!), But really maybe you have been studying for a test for weeks and you are actually excited because you know you're going pulverize it! And that's great. My point is when we give ourselves something positive to combat the negative, it really can make our days a whole lot better. 

Alright, that's all for now. I'm going to eat a doughnut and work on my paper. And it's really not going to be so bad because I'm writing about something I'm passionate about!

xoxo, 

Whitters 

F e b R u a r y

F e b R u a r y. 

That's how my mama use to get me to spell February. Feb R uary. With emphasis on the R, I always forgot it. She did that with Wednesday too. Wed Nes Day. In sets of three. And now when I write the grocery list, for her, she still corrects certain words and then later says, "Whitney, how do you spell broccoli?" and when I freeze she tells me an easy way to remember how to spell broccoli. Okay, now I know what you're thinking, "you gonna talk about spelling all night, Whit?" Naa, actually I'm going to talk about Valentines day and maybe a little bit about Spain too :) 

Valentines day. 

I need to go pick up some sweet tarts at Target tomorrow, I'm sure they'll be on sale! Last night I was taking care of baby Nicole, she turned 33 days old yesterday! She was kinda fussy last night and I was bouncing her and talking to her and singing. She likes it when I talk to her :) I was reminding her that it was her 33rd day birthday and that she was getting "so" big! After she fell asleep I was thinking about her and how much I have grown to love her and how I wish I could keep babysitting her after I graduate. Then it occurred to me that I will never see her walk or talk and it kinda made me sad. I was thinking, "what's the point of only taking care of her for five months? She'll never know me!" But then another thought came to me (more like whisper from God) and He said, "It's because you have a purpose, Whit." A purpose? Say what, Jesus?

A purpose. 

A purpose, that's right, even though I may only be in little Nicole's life for five months, but those five months have purpose. And I am a critical part in her life right now and she may never know who I am and her parents may never talk about me, probably won't talk about me, but that's not the point. The point is that I am here to love this little girl as much as I can and remind her about how much Jesus loves her and to sing to her and to get really excited when she is 33 days old! God always has a reason for everything. And baby Nicole and Whitney Rose need to be best friends right now. 

Again, I know what you're thinking, "what does this have to do with valentines day, Whit?" I'll tell you why. Because for the past week I have been thinking to myself, "what is the darn point to valentines day?" It just seems so silly to me. (Maybe I would feel different if I actually had a significant other) but you know as I was holding little Nicole last night, God gently reminded me again. It's not about me having a surfer boy, cowboy, or Mr. dark and handsome, it's about Jesus' sacrifice and God's love and baby Nicole. Yes, it's about Wyatt and baby Lauren who I babysat today, it's about all the Mountainbrook kiddos, it's about Bodi and Givan, it's about Grant and Kaedra. It's about Paige and Merry and Leah and Meggy. It's about showing Christ's love to everyone you care about and even more so to people who you may have a hard time getting along with. 

It's not about the chocolate and the flowers. (even though chocolate tastes good and flowers smell nice) 

This year was probably one of the first years on this holiday where I have felt content. Content in being single. Confident in myself. And knowing that I am not defined by any man, but only by the greatest father. It took me a long time through the high school years and college to be at the point of where I am today. But I am at this place where I know that whoever I do meet someday, will happen in its own time. And I am okay with that. It is what it is. And I'd rather be confident in myself and continue to become the woman I am today than worry about all the "what ifs" of my future. 

Let's be real. I am going to SPAIN in August for six months! I don't want to be with someone right now. I am ready for my adventures! I am so proud of the girl I am becoming and that is such a good thing. 

God is funny, who would have thought that this girl would be going to Spain after college. Not me. But I'm ready. And the future jar has 207 dollars in it! Yes, we still have a way to go, but we'll get there, we will get there :) 

Happy Valentines day, friends :) I hope you feel loved every day. And if we haven't had a coffee date in a while. let's do that :) 

xoxo, 

Whitters 

Home schooling, Spain, a little of this and a little of that.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop down by the beach and I am suppose to be working on my senior project outline, but instead I'm drinking a vanilla bean latte, calling my mom on the phone, and talking about home schooling. I mean that part is good because my senior project topic is homeschooling. I am sitting here staring at a blank screen with 

Homeschooling: A new Trend 

staring back at me, and yet I don't know what else to say. Starting is always the hardest. I have all of these memories, knowledge, and information in my brain about home schooling and I just want to spit it all out on the screen, but for this, I can't. I'm suppose to talk about the pros, cons, history of, types of, and then at the end, my opinion of, homeschooling. Easy enough... 

I'm not saying everyone should be home schooled. Because everyone should not be home schooled. But also everyone should not go to public school and also everyone should not go to private school. Some kids need to go to public school, some kids need to go to private school, and some, like me, needed to be home schooled. My mom always tells me that every student has a different educational journey. I really believe that to be true, too. 

I think one reason why I chose this as my topic is because I wanted something that meant something to me and would be applicable to my life. Right now, I do not want to teach elementary education in the public school system, but I DO want to home school my own kids some day, therefore, the rising trend in homeschooling, has developed. I also wanted to write about it because I feel like so much of my life growing up was, Why were you home schooled? What is home schooling? Do you have any friends? Isn't that illegal? And of course, "Oh that explains a lot." 

What is the most important thing to say in my senior project is just like with anything else, home schooling varies from child to child and family to family. YES, some kids who are home schooled are not socialized with others. BUT not ALL home schoolers. Yes, some kids who are home schooled might have benefited better in a public school, but not ALL home schoolers. So, in a sense, when I am talking about pros and cons, the positives are not for all home schoolers and the negatives are not for all home schoolers. But you know. I think what I just need to remember throughout this process is I am proud of to have been home schooled, I am proud to be a graduate from Ramona High school, and I am going to be SO proud when I am a graduate from Cal Poly. 

As the process has moved along with Mission Nanny and I wait to hear back if I will be in Spain or Honduras in the upcoming months, I feel so overwhelmed with joy and nervousness all in one. The other day it dawned on me that I am really doing this and it was a little terrifying. But I am so excited for this next step in my journey. 

Through conversations and self analysis this year I have had many moments where I said to myself, "And that's great because that's who you are." Whether it be the way I get really excited when I see my friends, or run around the house with Mushu singing Let's get down to business, or how playing leap frog last year in kine made me giggle for days and  how I actually enjoyed it, or how the littlest things can make me cry, and how I love giving people good hugs. But I've realized I am a very passionate person and emotionally I can be all over the place at times, but if I giggle I giggle long, if I cry, I cry a lot, if I yell, it can be loud at times, and if I show you a love you, I sure hope you can feel it. I know some people think I'm weird and I know I am, but I've realized that's who I am and I am really proud of who God has made me to be!

Alright alright, I'll get back to this outline, happy Saturday you guys and who ever stuck it out and read this whole thing, thanks for listening :) 

xoxo, 

Whit 

A Rising Tide of Mediocrity

A Rising Tide of Mediocrity 

This is one of the first lines to a report called, A Nation at Risk, written by the Reagan administration in 1983. In senior project tonight we talked about this report and also watched a video about education thirty years later.

Depressing. 

That's the word I would use to describe the report, video, and where our public school system is at the moment. I just felt really sad after class tonight and my brain is in a tumbled mess.

I watch my roommate and people in my major stress about the credential program, all the components of it and the application and I can just feel all of the anxieties they have. It's a lot. And in a way I feel so glad that I don't have to worry about any of that right now.

But I'll tell ya, I don't even know how to describe my feelings right now. This quarter, this year, school, I'm just over it. I have the most beautiful picture in my mind of what elementary schools could be and I have a picture in my mind of what it is today. I mean the article is right in that it's not perfect and it needs a lot of work.

Public schools need to be drastically changed in order for it to get any better. 

The video said that within the last thirty years not much as changed in schools. The public school system has been the same way for years and years and years. Little change is not going to change schools for the better.

Administrators stand up and say we need better teachers or we need students to learn better or we need this or that. But I don't think those things are the actual problem.

Being a Liberal Studies major for the past four years I feel like professors and teachers have constantly told us that we need to be strong in all areas, especially science and math. I feel like they expect us to be experts in all of these areas, but what they do not understand is that it is not always humanly possible. Take an engineer or a business major for example, when they move throughout college they dive into their subject and dig deeper and deeper and deeper for understanding. Until they become experts in their field. For Liberal Studies majors we take a whole bunch of different subjects and only go so deep in each one and then we are told to teach all of them to students. Now if a parent were asked to have their kids learn each subject from an expert versus just from one teacher, they would probably choose the expert.

I am not saying it is totally capable right now to have public elementary schools to just have math teachers, science teachers, etc. But what I am saying is how much more do you think the child would get out of the subject if it were that way. If each teacher focused on their one subject. I know this happens in some elementary schools today by splitting older grades up in science/math and history/language arts.

I don't mean to sit here and complain or write a depressing blog post, but I am writing because I think it's sad that administrators and people higher up think that schools are so so so bad. Because I'll tell ya you walk into a kindergarten class in San Luis Obispo and I bet you anything their teacher loves them, they are learning, and grasping new ideas every day. I don't doubt that this is not happening. I know that there are a lot of places where this is also not happening. But you can't measure everything from a test. I feel like so much of why people are worried is because of test scores, but there can also be a lot of learning happening that can't be measured by a test.

Sometimes I get nervous because I think, "Am I only not getting my credential because I don't believe that i can actually do it. That I wouldn't make a strong teacher?" But then I have to reassure myself that I made the right decision and deciding to stay away from the public school sector right now is okay. And focusing on kids in another type of environment is okay. Because I agree, I don't agree with the majority of the public school system and I know there are a lot of issues, but maybe that's why I need to stay away right now.

When I graduate in June, I want to be able to stand up and say, "My name is Whitney Rose Lockman, I am graduating from Cal Poly San Luis Obispo with a Bachelor's of Science and Math in Liberal Studies and for the past four years worked my tail off to be where I am today and I am not perfect by any means, but I sure learned for the sake of learning and for that, I am so proud."

What I mean by all of this is that as a Liberal Studies student it is okay to say, I am not perfect at everything and there are some subjects that I am better at than others, but at the end of the day, I will make the best teacher that I can possibly be and know that even if I make a difference in one child's life, that's all that matters. We need to not feel guilty when people can be overly critical. It's gonna be hard, but we can do it.

Love, that Lib Stud who admits that it's okay to be mediocre sometimes.

Faraway Places

This quarter Katie and I are taking a geography class. As I have found myself reading my textbook this weekend, I can't help but imagine myself in some of these places. I have found that Katie and my texts lately have consisted of us talking about faraway places. In the past, I have found myself saying, "Oh I could never go there." Whether it be because of the expenses, or I couldn't picture myself there, or I just thought it was only in my dreams, I don't know. But yet lately I have thought, "why not go?"

I have 76 dollars and something cents in my creamy pasta jar currently. 

I have been telling anyone who will listen about this "BIG" news. Most people just keep laughing and think it's so funny how excited I am about it. Like a little girl who is saving for a new barbie convertible. 

I'm so proud of myself though. 

It's funny because since I have applied for Mission Nanny and since I have started saving, it all seems more REAL to me and actually POSSIBLE. My brain has told me lately, "you could go somewhere Whit, have a real adventure." It's all exciting and terrifying to me at the same time. Maybe because I'm a homebody. I love traveling, but I haven't been out of the states before, besides Mexico. But the fact that I have saved 76 dollars for the future, whatever that may be, just by that fact, I realize that if I am accepted, I can really GO. 

Each week with my babysitting money, I have been taking about a third of it and putting it in my "future" jar. And I don't allow myself to remove any of that money. I won't necessarily take that much out each time, but you know. If I make 150 dollars in one week, I can easily take out 50 and out it in the jar. But if one week I only make 20, then I'll just put 5 dollars in the jar. I know 76 dollars isn't A LOT yet, but give me a break I've only been saving for two weeks so far! 

I'm at this point in life right now where I am know I am so over school. I have come to learn over the years that that's not what life is ALL about. It's part of it, but not all of it. I want to go on an adventure so that I can have unforgettable real experiences in the world. I just want to take care of babies, teach kids, clean a mom's house, and not have to WORRY about other silly things. Like school. You know? 

Lots of people think I'm crazy when I say I just want to get married and have babies. I don't talk about it as much as I use to, maybe because I'm at this point in my life where I DO see people getting engaged and married and I feel like since I am not in a relationship right now, that that is too far off and it doesn't seem realistic to me. I don't know. But I do know this, the reason I say that is because I DO want to be a mom. It's a total passion of mine. I love pretending I'm a mom when I babysit. You don't tell an engineer to not be passionate about his career, in the same way I don't think you can tell someone to not be excited about wanting to be a mom or even not wanting to be a mom.

What does this have to do with traveling and adventure? 

Because babysitting, nannying, traveling, families, being a mom, these all have a common thing. The things that I could potentially do nannying are many "mom" things. Things that I love to do. What I am saying is I cannot wait to embrace these passions and not have to be worrying about what the thrust of an airplane is or that I failed a math test.  

Moral of the story? 

Geography gets me excited about the world, I am thankful for babysitting jobs to fuel my future, and I want to take care of babies and teach kids how to learn while living in a beautiful far off place that God created with his very own hands! Because today when I took care of eight toddlers in Sunday school all by myself and we were singing songs about monkeys and giggling and blowing bubbles, I just knew God has me where he has me and I don't need to worry about the future. Because right now in the present he has the perfect little children in my life :) 

xoxo, 

Whitney Rose 

Missions for Nannies

This afternoon I submitted my application form for Mission Nannies.

Mission Nannies is a organization where nannies are sent all across the world to help Missionary families homeschool, babysit, and help with the household for a certain period of time. Room and board is covered by the family, but everything else is volunteer. The application asks that you list three families (that have been posted) that you are interested in helping. I listed a family in British Columbia, a family in Baja, California, and a family in Honduras. Once accepted by the organization they choose one family and help you get into contact with that family. From there, you decide if you are a right fit for the family. Three months is the minimum amount of time that the organization asks you to stay, but if the family would like you to stay longer and you agree, than that can happen as well. 

Now the waiting game begins. 

Many people have asked me lately what the future looks like for me. To be perfectly honest, I don't what it will be. I don't even know if this opportunity will work out or not. Am I worried? Yes, slightly. 

But God knows exactly what is in store for me. 

So really, I shouldn't be worried. Yes, I need to be actively looking and searching for job opportunities and experiences that I can apply for, but at the end of the day God's got it. Deciding to not get my credential after graduation was a hard decision for me. But I believe that it is the right choice in my life right now. And I know wholeheartedly that God will see me through. He always does. And He always will. 

So now, I have a Creamy Alfredo pasta jar with a sign on it that says "The Future." That future may be British Columbia, it may be Mexico, and it may be Honduras. But it may not be. It may be San Diego, it may be Montana, and it may just be Riverside, California, but whatever it may be, God knows. So every time I babysit or earn extra money a little bit of those earnings are going in "the future" jar. Because being proactive, God likes that. Having faith, God likes that even more. And a little hard work goes a long way too. 

Happy New Years everybody :) 

Whitney Rose

http://www.missionnannys.org/