Blessings

So, I made the mistake tonight to drink coffee about two hours ago and now I can’t sleep. Tonight, I am going to bed with so much joy, so I thought I would share.

Today, Alissa and were calculating grades and GPA, we first calculated my “lowest” possible grades for the quarter of what I would get. It came out to be a 3.2! That was exciting! But then we thought let’s turn up the heat a bit. So, we upped up a few grades (still probable grades) and it landed me at a 3.5… DEAN’S LIST. Say what? I have been trying to get there for the past 2 and a half years. We decided that is my goal for the quarter. I believe in myself and I belief I can do it!

You know, if I do accomplish this goal, I will be SO proud of myself. How special and earned I will feel if I make Dean’s List this quarter for the first time. I’d much rather have it this way than getting it every quarter. You know why? Because I will know that I truly earned it through really hard work. Not to say that people who earn it every quarter are not hard workers, they are, and they deserve it! But for me to have worked SO hard and to finally accomplish it, that will make me so happy.

I have come to realize a lot this quarter that the fact that school comes hard for me and it takes me longer to understand concepts has molded me into who I have become. I am glad it’s harder for me because it has given me the work ethic that I have today. All my experiences and challenges have taught me so much. Yes, it sucked to get a 1.9 last quarter, but there were things to learn from that. I learned so much being an RA last quarter and I learned so much in my classes despite getting bad grades.

How blessed I am to go to such an amazing school with some pretty amazing professors. Every quarter is a blessing no matter what happens. We’re always going to have struggles, but it is how we overcome them that show who we truly are. As Kelsey always tells me, I am a fighter. It’s true though, I won’t go down without a fight. And trust me, I have gone down quite a bit. I love the saying, fall down seven times and stand up eight. Jesus has taught me this concept VERY well. There have been days in the past where I have been on my knees sobbing my eyes and not understanding why I got that D on that test, or that D in that class, or even that F in that class last quarter. By the time I got to that F though, I had already been molded and strengthen by the Lord that I didn't have to fall apart quite as much.

I have seen as low as grades can get and you know what? Life goes on. You think things are going to fall apart and the world is going to end, but it doesn't. LIFE GOES ON.  I got an F, but I’m still human. I’m still a precious daughter of God. And you know? That’s quite a bit more important.

Whitney Rose 

Tonight Tiana shared a song with me. These lyrics struck me and I feel like they sink in with how my year has been going.

“Whatever you're doing inside of me It feels like chaos, somehow there's peace. It's hard to surrender to what I can't see but I'm giving in to something heavenly.”

Again, I have mixed emotions all the time because I do have so much JOY in life, but at the same time, through different experiences that have happened this year, it has most definitely felt like chaos inside of me. But somehow God still gives me joy. That is what I hold on to.  

I adore people.

Sometimes I just love to stop and think about the big picture of things and think about life, the people in my life, and why the world is such a beautiful place. There are some truly amazing people in my life and sometimes I wonder how I am so blessed.

 Like last night for Alissa’s birthday when we were out adventuring I kept holding onto Lindsey’s hand and it made me so happy. That may sound silly, but for me it was that reassurance that she wasn’t going anywhere, she was right there to hold my hand. Or last quarter every Tuesday and Thursday, Kelsey would give me a hug. I remember one day, the day was going just awful, I was sick and I got a bad grade in math. I came out, almost in tears and not saying anything just gave her a hug, she called me doll like always and told me everything would be okay and you know, it was okay.

Ever since freshmen year I have had people in my life that I know truly care about me. Some have gone in and out of my life, but the ones who care have stayed. I remember last year when Missy and I had morning class at 8am and I wanted her to braid my hair she would literally sometimes do it while we were walking. One day a girl saw her and said, “You are going to make a GREAT Mom someday.” That girl is right, she will J I think about last quarter when I would visit Ruth at Einstein’s once a week and I would do homework and she would make me pumpkin creation drinks, they were so good! Then she would sit next to me and I would tell her everything that is on my mind. I think back to winter break when she called me when I was in the hospital and Josh talked to her for me. She was SO concerned, but Josh was able to calm her down. You know you are truly loved when that happens.

Thinking back to freshmen year when I was in Trinity with Dani. Every day when she and Laura left for class and I was in the lobby, she would say hi to me. I didn’t know her that much but I knew I loved her. Things like that truly make a difference. It may be something very simple like saying “hi,” but I knew Dani cared, that’s why she made the effort to say hi to me. And I love her for that. I remember also freshmen year when the PSC classes were so hard for me, I would study so hard and not do well. I couldn’t tell you how many times Ashlee would step outside of the classroom with me, hug me, and tell me it was okay and she was so proud of me. And she let me cry. Sometimes we see tears as a huge weakness, but Ashlee saw my heart through them and she really took care of me for it.

Through the years, especially in college, people have been oh so patient with me. I think about Danellie and how we have been best friends since freshmen year and she literally saved me in some very awkward situations, but for some reason they were not awkward with her. She was there to help me and she always did. I will never forget the day we made muddy buddies in the microwave in Trin, that day we became the best of friends. Since then she has always been the one that I would call and cry to we were out of town from SLO.

I feel so blessed beyond belief to be in the major that I am a part of. Literally, some of the most amazing people that I have met from Poly are Lib Studs. We are truly a unique major that is a real family. We have a billion insides jokes that have developed through our classes. As Katie said the other day, “Aren’t you suppose to be in class with Lauren right now? I thought all Lib Studs have class together!” Pretty much our excuse for everything is, “It’s because we’re Lib Studs.”

This year I have met more and more Chi Omega girls as the year has gone on. And I swear they are some of the most wonderful girls at Poly. I love spending time with them and I love meeting all of them! It just makes me super happy! I have found myself spending quite a bit of time with them because lots of them are Liberal Studies majors.

Life is beautiful. I adore people and I love my friends. I love all of the memories and quotes that I have through the years being here. But I think being a third year I have realized more and more what is important in friendships and the qualities that my friends have. Like for Alissa’s 21^st birthday it was completely important to take care of each other and be smart. And that is exactly how I felt. We took care of Alissa and we took care of each other. And I held Lindsey’s hand. I think that is what made last night so good.

I am so blessed beyond belief. I adore the people in my life. I am so glad to have the opportunities to spend time with them during these college years. Life is beautiful. I love having joy. And the people I spend time with give me joy. And yesterday I said, “Maybe that’s why I was giggling.” And Kelsey told me yesterday, “You giggle all the time Whit!” And it’s true, I do. And that’s exactly the way I like it (: 

Just ask my mother. 

Suffering, JOY, and Love

That moment when you are singing and you KNOW that you can surrender all to Him. God truly met me tonight at Cru. Suffering.  A word that can mean so many things for different people. Lately, I believe that I have just been “going through the motions” with school, homework, friends, and life. I can’t believe it’s already week 5. Last quarter, things went by SO slow because I had a trillion things to do all the time. This quarter is the opposite.
 

Like Kyle, the speaker tonight, I think I have been a little angry with God. I have felt abandoned. I didn’t understand why I lost my job, I didn’t understand why I had to go to the hospital, I didn’t understand why I had to go through such ordeals throughout winter break, and I have felt abandoned. I have not been feeling Jesus in my life.

But tonight I had a realization. First of all, Lauren Elizabeth Stewart, a beautiful friend, told me that you would NEVER know how much has gone on in my life lately because of the JOY I always show at school. She said I just exuberate Jesus’ love.  That is quite the compliment for someone to give. I remember the first time I met Lauren; she reminded me that I was wearing a tutu. Go figure. I totally forgot about that.

So then on the way home as I was trying to sort out all of my feelings with Amanda in words. I realized something. I realized that each morning when I walk to school I tell myself, “find joy today Whit.” Find joy today in your classes, in your friends, and in life. I told myself that because I knew that anything I was dreading or thinking about (my sufferings) needed to go away that day, so I found joy. You know what I realized tonight? That JOY was right from Jesus. He said, “Whit, find JOY today.” Not, myself giving myself JOY, but JESUS giving ME JOY. God has been here all along. God has been speaking to me all along.

 I was angry and I thought He wasn’t around. Boy was I wrong. God has not taken my sufferings away yet, but He has given me JOY so that I can conquer my sufferings. He has been here the ENTIRE time. Every time I put that tutu on, He was there, every time I giggled, He was there, every time I RAN and gave a friend a hug, HE was there. Every time I said something silly, every time I made someone laugh, every time someone made me laugh, HE WAS THERE.

He’s here. He’s taking care of me. He has not gone away. My sufferings are evident, Satan is evident, but my JOY is here. God gives me JOY. God loves me so much. His LOVE for me is the GREATEST.

Whitney Rose Lockman 

"There comes a time when a human has to either face evil or admit to allowing it. Abortion is legal in the United States, but it should not be celebrated or used as a political tool. Viable babies are human beings. If they could talk, they would tell Williams and other pro choice zealots that their lives should not be marginalized by someone who thinks she is the boss. That's what the babies would say." -Bill O' Reilly 

If I could change the world it would be to make all abortions at all stages of pregnancy illegal. I included both Reilly's article as well as the article that he talks about. It sickens me to hear Williams say that, "Not all life is equal."  Seriously,Williams? How can this be true for a fetus when you don't give the BABY the opportunity to have LIFE? That's how I feel.  Just ponder this thought for a moment, "What would the babies say?" You know me, I love babies. We need to listen to the babies more. 

 http://townhall.com/columnists/billoreilly/2013/02/02/what-the-babies-would-say-n1502442/page/full/

http://www.salon.com/2013/01/23/so_what_if_abortion_ends_life/

Whitney