Suffering, JOY, and Love

That moment when you are singing and you KNOW that you can surrender all to Him. God truly met me tonight at Cru. Suffering.  A word that can mean so many things for different people. Lately, I believe that I have just been “going through the motions” with school, homework, friends, and life. I can’t believe it’s already week 5. Last quarter, things went by SO slow because I had a trillion things to do all the time. This quarter is the opposite.
 

Like Kyle, the speaker tonight, I think I have been a little angry with God. I have felt abandoned. I didn’t understand why I lost my job, I didn’t understand why I had to go to the hospital, I didn’t understand why I had to go through such ordeals throughout winter break, and I have felt abandoned. I have not been feeling Jesus in my life.

But tonight I had a realization. First of all, Lauren Elizabeth Stewart, a beautiful friend, told me that you would NEVER know how much has gone on in my life lately because of the JOY I always show at school. She said I just exuberate Jesus’ love.  That is quite the compliment for someone to give. I remember the first time I met Lauren; she reminded me that I was wearing a tutu. Go figure. I totally forgot about that.

So then on the way home as I was trying to sort out all of my feelings with Amanda in words. I realized something. I realized that each morning when I walk to school I tell myself, “find joy today Whit.” Find joy today in your classes, in your friends, and in life. I told myself that because I knew that anything I was dreading or thinking about (my sufferings) needed to go away that day, so I found joy. You know what I realized tonight? That JOY was right from Jesus. He said, “Whit, find JOY today.” Not, myself giving myself JOY, but JESUS giving ME JOY. God has been here all along. God has been speaking to me all along.

 I was angry and I thought He wasn’t around. Boy was I wrong. God has not taken my sufferings away yet, but He has given me JOY so that I can conquer my sufferings. He has been here the ENTIRE time. Every time I put that tutu on, He was there, every time I giggled, He was there, every time I RAN and gave a friend a hug, HE was there. Every time I said something silly, every time I made someone laugh, every time someone made me laugh, HE WAS THERE.

He’s here. He’s taking care of me. He has not gone away. My sufferings are evident, Satan is evident, but my JOY is here. God gives me JOY. God loves me so much. His LOVE for me is the GREATEST.

Whitney Rose Lockman